i feel this dark cloud come over me. i imagine grey smoke climbing into my window and devouring me. i can see the lightning striking down as i disenigrate. no!! she doesnt mean that to you! she cant… she just can't. you're mine! you were mine a year and a half ago and you're mine right now. everytime i see you, everytime i imagine you i want to reach out and stroke you. the pulsing in my heart rises to my throat and my head gets dizzy. i start boiling on the inside while i feel the chills on my skin. how could i of had him? it feels like a distant fantasy… every memory i have with him is framed with cloudy blurry-ness, like it was all some dream. how could i let him go? i cant ******* understand. i cant understand how i had him with the snap of my fingers and i flicked him away. i know i should say, i had my chance and now i have to deal with it, right? but no. no if thats how it was SUPPOSED to be then why do i feel so strongly about this. why does every part of me pull towards him. why is he all i can think about. why is it so impossable to see him out of my life right now. when i see the pictures of them together… its like im looking at a different person. its not him. it can't be, he can't love anyone but me. i feel the needles of reality sticking into everyone of my god damn freckles. when he texts me, i smile. when he wants to hang out with me, i would clear ANYTHING with anyone because… he's just such a higher priority to me than anyone else. he never mentions her. not ever. its almost like he knows how it'd kill me for him to talk about her. its almost mutual, everything we do it seems like we understand. the looks he gives me… i understand what's behind his big brown eyes. and i understand that whatever feelings he has there, has to remain beneath his eyes only. he understands why i never talk or ask about her, maybe he doesn't want to talk about her with me either. i understand how he wants to see me and talk to me so often, because i want to too. every ounce of me wants him back. i feel like a home-reckor, maybe some "first-love" hung over teenager. maybe he sounds like a douche bag, idk. i just… can't keep it together in my thoughts. i can't be with my friends 100%, a part of me is always with him. if you took the time to read all this… can you give me any actual advice?
too long!! most people lose their first love!
You do not need advice girl but you need companianship from your friends and family.
Girl, you need people to be around you so that things may get better!!!
You just need time. Date and it would heal your wounds i had the same problem i just date a girl for the first time and she broke up with me and i freaked out and i just date her friend ( not my best chose) but i forgot her and i just moved on.
dont you have anything better to do with your life than write that whole entire long thing? seriously. they probably dumped you because youre such a freak
wow that was like a book, not a boring one either, i was enticed by reading it.
anywho to help, tell him how u feel if it hurts you that much. you really have to let him go though, you cant always clear your day to be with him, and cant still be all over him.
keep writin and put it in your log save it for years and once u found another , read what u wrote when u wer in pain and u may laugh at it or wrote a tear jerker love song in there .. pain takes time , work out and burn everything u have thats in paper or photos and bury it . symbolizes the end and a new beginning …live on and go thru ..fall forward and not backwards ..and learn from ur experience ..
the best way to get OVER someone is to get UNDER someone else!!
Quit worrying about it. People don't just lose all of their feelings overnight. I'm guessing your first love isn't completely over you. but being clingy and crazy isn't going to help them out. Get out there. Live the dream. Go to crazy parties, do things to better yourself. keep in contact but not too much contact. once they see you actually took this time and lived life a little bit and are bettering yourself they will probably want you back. Hopefully by that point though you realize you're probably better off without them. Go out, party, hang with the opposite sex, live the dream like you would imagine someone cool like Jeff Goldblum living. Whether you and your firstie get back together or not, you're going to be better off if you actually start living instead of isolating yourself from the world in a pool of self loathing.
Judging from your rant I`d say your in some sort of emotional limbo of Infatuation and here s the part you don't want to hear: IT WILL PASS! As for him being your first love you probably won't really know until you actually date other people after him. yes we all think about our first love from time to time and wonder about this and that but that has never stopped anyone from moving on. If its meant to be it will be and In my opinion loving someone to a point that it becomes unhealthy to you only drives them away.